Saturday, November 04, 2006


So Election Day is Tuesday, and I’ve left the country. Which is a pity, since we’re in the closing days, when the attack mailers get bloody and the partisans are out in full force. And a large number of friends and allies are all working on GOTV drives. GOTV, Get Out The Vote, is the bright, happy face of electioneering, of making sure that your base is motivated to go out and do the right thing, wrapped in a flag of civic pride and responsibility.

But the dark side of that duct tape that binds together democracy is Voter Supression, and is a common enough tactic as well. A lot of the negative mailers and ads you have seen are not to convince you that candidate X should be run out of town, or that when voting you must vote “NO” on Candidate X by supporting his opponent, Candidate Y. Part of it is to make you so sick of the process that, unless you are mindless hard core for Candidate X, you’re going to stay away entirely. And that’s just fine, too.

Hence we hear about Mike Riley’s tax problems. Hence the state GOP, having thrown Mike McGavick under the bus, thinks that it’s a real problem that Claudia Kauffman is a lobbyist. Worse yet, she's a lobbyist for the Muckleshoot tribe (Why yes, we DO play the race card up here – we’re just not very good at it).

And there are darker forms of voter suppression. Giving out incorrect voting information (Democrats are allowed to vote on November 8th), or hitting minority neighborhoods with leaflets saying that el Migra will be waiting at the polls to check your citizenship.

So as I can't make any GOTV phone calls, let me help with this latter part, at least. I’m thinking that the following flyer might turn up under the windshields of the cars parked outside the Evangelical Presbyterian Church this weekend.


Greetings, fellow Brother of Christ! With the coming election, your vote is extremely important to turn back the rising liberal conspiracy in this country. And now voting is more important than ever.

As a result of HR 45603945, Section A.9, the American RIGHTS amendment, you can now update your tithing at your local polling place. Representatives of an ecumenical group of Christian faiths will be available with information provided by your local church, keeping track of your charitable giving. If you have been unable to tithe, or lax in your tithing, this is an excellent chance to catch up on your financial obligations to Jesus while you do your duty for your country.

So remember to vote this Tuesday, and bring you checkbooks!

Now, in keeping with conservative thought, I have done the hard part (coming up with the idea), and now rely on you to do the easy part (printing, formatting, delivery, explaining the police that no, officer, you would not think of doing something like this). And of course, if anyone is dumb enough to try, in good conservative thinking, I will deny you. Three times, if need be.

And if Homeland Security is reading this, this IS a joke. Yes, I do want to be able to get back into the country.

More later,