Friday, August 20, 2004


So its been a light week, since I have been engaging in my hobby, translating Aramaic tablets from the first century AD (you never knew?) in my basement. Here's one I've been working on:

In the 5th year of Nero’s reign, there arose an organization known as “Disciples for Honesty”. This group of former disciples of various holy men in the Middle East, formed to debunk the idea of Jesus as the son of God.

"I knew Jesus,” said Matthias of Arimathea, a former follower of John the Baptist, “And he wasn’t all that”.

“My brother followed Jesus, and was one of his inner circle,” stated Judas the Lesser, “And from what I understand, he was substandard as a role-model for a Holy Man. I’ve put in all in my scroll, “Unfit for Worship".

“Indeed,” added Matthias, “When he performed the miracle of loaves and fishes, he was over-estimating the house. There were a lot of people there, but not a multitude as his supposed biographers have claimed. This blatant lying shows he should not be trusted with founding of a major religion. I wasn’t there, but I spoke to those who were. I mean, there were leftovers. People took home doggie bags. So it was definitely not a multitude.”

“And deal with the money-changers in the temple?” sniffed Judas, “It was a Tuesday. Light day, as far as money-changing goes. Most of the real big changers were out playing golf. But you’ll never hear HIM admit that.”

The Disciples for Honesty have encountered their own problems, in that both Judas and Matthias were earlier heard proselytizing on Jesus’ behalf. In addition, their movement has received significant contributions from the Babylonian Church of Moloch.

Judas stated “Such accusations, even if true, are scurrilous attacks on our freedom of speech and religion, which Jesus supported,”

“Even though we don’t think you should support him,” added Matthias.

“And the wounds from the crucifixion?” continued Judas, “Over-exaggerated. They probably weren’t even done by Romans.”

“Let me clarify that,” said Matthias, “Are you saying that Christ crucified himself for purely political purposes?"

“I’m not saying that,” replied Judas. “I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying that his wounds were likely not of Roman origin, and we have very biased reports as to the contrary.

Controversy has surrounded the young Christ-faith for decades, as Judas the Lesser has previously let it be known that he considered Jesus to be directly responsible for his older brother’s death, noted officially as a suicide.

“Judas the Elder’s tragic demise so close to Christ’s trial is definitely suspicious behavior. I’m not saying that Jesus or his other “chosen few” were responsible, only that it was suspicious.” Noted Matthias solemnly.

“Indeed,” interjected Judas the Lesser, “The facts we present, which are facts that we have earlier ignored, should show everyone that they should turn to other cults for veneration. Much more worthy cults. Mithras is good. So’s Jove. And I have heard very good things about Moloch.

“Very good things,” intoned Matthias, “Much more venerable than Jesus. And we’re not just coming forward now that his star is on the rise. We’ve always believed this, even when we said good things about him.”

“Which we didn’t,” said Judas, “And besides, my brother told me he was a lousy tipper.”

More later,