Saturday, March 04, 2006

No Quarter (Part VI)

It is never a good sign when I get home for the day and find ten messages in this journal's mailbox. I may get, one, maybe two a day, and the occasional spam from America's Test Kitchen. But use the wrong illo in the write-up (Maine instead of Minnesota) and WHAM! Everyone checks in. I mean, these are more comments than when I had a light fixture explode in my bathroom (which most people agree that by putting two 60-watt bulb in there, we overloaded it).

Anyway, I've put the correct picture in the entry for Maine. Thanks to everyone who noticed (It is nice not being in a void). And Minnesota? You're not off the hook, yet. I'm getting to you.

So, Louisiana, you want to claim most of the breadbasket? Fine! Michigan gets to claim the Great Lakes. ALL OF THE THEM. Even Lake Ontario, which is on the other side of, well, Ontario! Actually, this one does the “outline of the state” right in that it doesn’t clutter it up with anything else, shows that the Upper Peninsula IS still part of the state, and reminds you that, no matter where you are in Michigan, you are never more than 85 miles away from a messy, fatal boating accident.

Rating B = Not Bad

Another historical moment commemorated, in this case the tragic crash of the space shuttle Columbia with Ponce De Leon’s ship. The shuttle fell through a space-time continuum, and after escaping a planet ruled by monkeys, smashed into the Spaniard's ship, only to discover that the Fountain of Youth had turned Ponce De Leon into an orangutan!

OK, I have to stop doing these first thing in the morning.

Rating C = Kinda Lame, but you know they can’t use Disneyworld.

Yahknow, if there is one state in the union that DOESN’T need to remind us of their shape, it's Texas. And look at the Star. That Lone Star. That BIG Lone Star. It’s not like we’re overcompensating, or anything, eh?

This is a seriously bad coin - it is almost as if the intention was to make quarter with the look a feel of a game arcade token. Of course, the fact that the Texan state motto is "Two Plays For A Quarter" doesn't help. The lack of ornamentation is a visible reminder that most of the Lone Star State, like the asteroid belt and Sunday morning news shows, is empty space.

Rating D= Real Lame

Man, you thought Alabama was desperate. Foundation in Education? Grant Wood? Arbor Day?

Why didn’t you just say “We Got Nothing”?

Rating D = Real Lame

Another mixmaster, made more exciting by a mistake in the molds that gave the ear of corn an extra leaf! Wooo! Collectability! Otherwise, it is the corn and cheese and cow and the state motto, all thrown into the blender. Not horribly exciting.

By the way, the full state motto for Wisconsin is: “ Forward. Now Back a step. Now right. Your other right. Just a hair more. OK, that’s good. Now forward again.”

Rating D = Real Lame

OK, I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it may just be a reflection off the empty space that is the Texan Quarter.

More later,