Friday, January 28, 2005

This Blog For Hire

So here’s what’s been happening: It has come out that a couple of conservative columnists and commentators have been getting fat paychecks from government agencies to promote government agendas, and have done so, without telling their readers/viewers that they are on the take.

First off was Armstrong Williams, who works for Sinclair Broadcasting (WHY does that name keep showing up? They’re like the AIM of the broadcasting world, who seem to exist only so Captain America can beat them up), and who pocketed $240k from the Department of Education to promote the administration’s values, in particular the underfunded “No Child Left Behind” mandate. He failed to reveal this little donation to his viewers. Once caught, there were a lot of people being shocked, simply shocked about this ethical lapse, while Williams told people, “I’m not the only one.”

Needless to say, this has made a lot of other conservative pundits very nervous, and indeed, conservative columnist Maggie Gallagher of the Universal Press Syndicate has since been revealed to have supped at the administrative till to the tune of a 21K contract from the Department of Health and Human Services to push their initiatives. And while writing this, a third one has popped up, ethics writer Michael McManus, who got $10k of pundit payola (I have to write faster, 'cause the shoes are dropping like an explosion at the Pay-Less).

Now some are shocked by this obvious and ham-handed purchase of influence and by the betrayal of the public trust by the very news media that they rely upon for truth and commentary. I, on the other hand, tend to take the view of Chicago politics – namely, where’s mine?

Face it, guys, these folks are generally third rate pikers, and I have here a little soapbox which can reach tens if not dozens of individuals, a forum that can be easily manipulated to send your particular message out. I am available at a very reasonable rate as a meme-initiator and conventional wisdom dispensor. To that end, I have included a rate card, below

Joshing Aside - $100 per reference
Glowing Review - $1000 per article
Loving Dedication - $2000 per week
Sarcactic Note (you choose the target) - $100 per instance
Sardonic Drollery (you choose the target) - $300 per article
Public Ridicule (you choose the target) - $1000 per week
Pungent Commentary - $5000 per year

Ask about our special Blind Devotion Rate, where we promise NOT to mention your organization’s screwups in any way, shape or form, for a long as you keep up the payments. Sinclair Broadcasting please take note: We believe in equal-opportunism (Holds imaginary phone up to ear and mouths the words "call us").

Sign on with Grubb Street, and you too can get positive press at affordable prices, starting from the moment that the check clears.

More later,