Thursday, September 14, 2006

Modern Media

Meanwhile, in the offices of a Great Metropolitan Newspaper:

"Kent! Get in here!"
"What's up, Perry?"
"You've been following what's been happening with Lex Luthor's senate bid, right?"
"A little. He left Lexcorp with a phenominally high severance package, which he's using to fund his run. He admitted to a DUI, but in the confession didn't let on how bad it really was. And Lexcorp under his managment had steep layoffs and engaged in potentially illegal activities. He's trailing badly in the polls, and most people think he has a problem with the truth."
"You know what needs to be done, right?"
"Right. Investigate him and get to the truth of the matter."
"Clark, Clark, Clark, I'm suprised at you. What we need to do now is go dig up something bad on Senator Incumbent."
"I'm sorry, Perry, I don't follow you."
"It's Journalism 101. We have to be fair and balanced. That means whenever a Republican screws up, we have to find something the Democrat did wrong in order to balance it out. Otherwise we look like we're playing favorites."
"But Senator Incumbent didn't do anything wrong."
"EVERYONE has done SOMETHING wrong, and when we find it, it will balance out Lex's drunk driving and the corporate irresponsibility. Here - here's one I got from a GOP blast fax. Senator Incumbent borrowed money from a lobbyist."
"Actually she loaned money to the lobbyist in question."
"Fine, fine, but still it was a lobbyist."
"But she loaned him the money before he was a lobbyist."
"So it was still unseemly behavior for a Senator."
"But it was before she was a Senator. And the only reason we know it is because she reports it as an outstanding loan, every year, as required by law."
"Fine! So the story then is, Senator Incumbent is friends with a Lobbyist!"
"But Lex himself WAS a Lobbyist when he was arrested for the DUI. That's why he was living on the East Coast at the time."
"Kent, you're JUST not listening! If we don't point out that the Dems are as dirty as the GOP, then people won't be able to make a careful choice between them."
"Even if we have to inflate the Democrat offenses in order to do so."
"Exactly! That's what we call fair and balanced. We have to reduce the offender's crimes to make them more like the innocent. Otherwise there's anarchy!"
"Similarly to the fact that we don't talk much about the money conservative operations are pouring into the State Supreme Court races until the Moderates and Liberals do the same."
"Exactly! Now you get it, Kent!"
"So, Perry, does all this fairness have anything to do with Lex Luthor's promise to reduce the estate tax on middle-aged editors of Great Metropolitan Newspapers?"
"Clark! I'm shocked, simply shocked that you would even THINK such a thing!"
"Sorry, Chief, I don't know what got into me."
"And don't call me Chief!"

More later,