Saturday, July 05, 2008

Secret Tape

So I've got a secret illegal tape that's fallen into my hands, from a couple months back, after Super Tuesday. After careful consideration and vetting, I've decided to share it with everyone, since it couldn't possibly do any damage at this late date.

Male Voice: Hello?
Female Voice: Barr? It's Hill.
Male Voice: Hilary? You know what time it is?
Female Voice: Three AM. I knew you'd be up. Look, we should talk.
Male Voice: Sure, what's up?
Female Voice: I'm doing the numbers, and I can't catch you.
Male Voice: Yeah, we figure the same thing. There ARE the super-delegates - they could make a difference ...
Female Voice: Yeah right, like they're going to go against the will of the people. We aren't Republicans, you know.
Male Voice: True. So you've been looking at the numbers...
Female Voice: And I can't catch you. I mean, if these were winner-take-all ...
Male Voice: ... unfortunately, we aren't Republicans.
Female Voice: You got it. So I'm going to drop out. Give you a clear field.
Female Voice: Did you hear me, Barr? I think I'm going to ...
Male Voice: I heard you. I just wish you wouldn't.
Female Voice: I'm surprised to hear you say that. It's been bitter the past few weeks. The party needs to heal.
Male Voice: The party has plenty of time to heal. Here's the thing - the news is going hot and heavy about you and me, right?
Female Voice: Yeah.
Male Voice: And what are they saying about John?
Female Voice: Not a lot. But as soon as he lines up all his ducks in a row ...
Male Voice: That's just it, without media attention, he can't get anything going.
Female Voice: (Pause) Because we're sucking all the air out of the room fighting each other.
Male Voice: Uh-huh. Not only that, we're making the room bigger as more and more people come in on your side, or my side. And even if some of them walk afterwards - there will be a few, and it will be heavily covered - there will be more people engaged than there would be if either of us had a clear run.
Female Voice: We're making the pie bigger.
Male Voice: Right. And if the 24/7 news cycle WASN'T nattering on about you and me, what WOULD they be talking about.
Female Voice: The usual, probably. Misquotes...
Male Voice: ...Bowling scores...
Both Voices: Flag Pins! (Both Laugh)
Female Voice: You realize what you're asking here? Its going to rocky for you, if we go forward. And for me as well.
Male Voice: If we wanted to be liked, we would not be in politics.
Female Voice: True that. Ok, I'm in, but let me warn you about the press.
Male Voice: I'm cool with them.
Female Voice: Not you. Michele. If they can't nail you on anything, they will go after her.
Male Voice: Speaking from experience?
Female Voice: God yes. Before the election, Bill was this big likable lug, dumb as a post, and I was Angela Landsbury, secretly controlling him.
Male Voice: Why does it always come down to The Manchurian Candidate?
Female Voice: (Laughs) I don't know. OK. I'm staying in. This will give me a chance to be more of shot-and-a-beer candidate, anyway. That'll make people's heads spin.
Male Voice: Cool. Glad to be running against you.
Female Voice: And Barr, the deal still on?
Male Voice: Supreme Court Justice Bubba? You bet. Of course, they'll just say you're secretly controlling him.
Female Voice: (laughs) I wish. See you on the campaign trail.
Male Voice: You too. And thanks.

More later,